"Keep it simple": Why it's important to become more sensitive to our inner voice.

Feeling the breath of air in the balcony while doing my laundry this morning, something wondered around in my head. It was my new year’s resolution for 2020: “Keep it simple”, which I have come up with during one of the most stressful periods in my life.

Towards the end of 2019, my stress level was higher than ever that had me thinking,

“I feel like my life is now filled by all the ‘shoulds’ that left no time and space for ‘wants’ which I truly love…”

“Why am I lying to my heart and even suffocating myself? Am I not entitled to my own time/life?”

“Can I make my life less complicated than that, just like when I decide on a menu following my intuition?”

Those voices have become louder as my wonders piled up.

Coincidentally around the same time, I found myself being very unwell not only mentally but also physically. While suffering from depression followed by serious insomnia (firsthand experience of that my body honestly speaks my mind), I told myself,

“My health should always come first no matter what”.

I remember that I was debating over whether I should pick “stay true to your heart” instead of “keep it simple” for my resolution as the former one seemed to be a more direct representation of my thoughts back then. However, being too overwhelmed/stressed out with life at that time, I couldn’t be bothered picking the cheesier phrase like “stay true to your heart”.

Hence the “keep it simple”, as it sounded much better (and “simpler”) choice to me.

That being said, I pledged to myself that I would let any teeny tiny voices in my gut heard and make them visible, so I can follow my intuition to live my life in a simpler, yet more fulfilling way.

I remember I found it very interesting that in English people use “gut instinct” as one’s intuition when I first learned it, though it somehow makes sense to me when I think about my inaudible voices and feelings spring up from deep inside of my body, which usually end up as the damn truth.

Reflecting on those days, what caught my eyes was the beautifully blooming hydrangea in my house garden, which was originally from my grandparents' house.

My mom asked my grandmother for a cutting of the hydrangea as she was stunned by its gorgeous blue flowers. She brought back a cutting to the tiny garden of hers and started growing them very carefully, with full of love.

Of all those various colors of hydrangeas, blue one was by far the most favorite of mine so I remember I was really excited as watching them grow in my house garden.

However, when the hydrangea was finally bloomed, it left me in a bit of confusion.

The flowers of hydrangea weren’t blue anymore; they were rather reddish-purple, blooming as if it was their original color.

Later I’ve learned from my quick research that the color of hydrangea often depends upon the acidity of the soil on which they grow. My mom also told me that the cutting from the same hydrangea ended up having slightly different colors of flours in different areas of the garden.

The fact that the hydrangea bloomed in a very different color from my grandmother’s garden seemed to me as though they were blooming with some sort of intention.

We often see plants as something without any feelings, having no willpower or intentions at all.

Plants on the other hand, though can be very honest to themselves.

Just like the hydrangea in my house garden, some bloom in a totally different color depending on the environment they grow.

Some get weaker or don’t grow at all when the condition didn't meet.

“I can only bloom in this color on the ground like this”

“I feel like I’m going to get sick and die eventually in such an environment”

“I can barely breathe here. I can’t grow my branch any further”

It seems as if the plants embodied those voices when they grow, bloom, and die.

We notice something is up/wrong with plants when they bloom in a different color, get weaker, or even wither. Plants often show us some signs when something is up so we can learn from them and understand what’s best for them.

What about humans?

We wish we had some sort of superpower that automatically changes our hair color to green or even purple by our stress levels, but unfortunately, that is not the case.

With no superpower like that, our voice seems to be the only thing left we can use to let others know that we are not ok, but instead of raising our voice and say “I can’t do that” or “I’m going to get ill if I kept on forcing myself like that”, we often hide those voices from others or even from ourselves.

As lack of water makes most flowers die (except for the ones that don’t require watering), chronic stress often contributes to mental health problems or severe disease which could lead one to death in the worst-case scenario.

Each of us has a different level of capacity and strong/weak points, and we all know that.

However, it is usually the case that we are not entirely sure about the exact amount of stress that makes us sick unless we actually put ourselves out there and experience the specific situation.

When our gut tells us something is wrong, instead of listening to it we diminish the voice. Then we go on and start using our brain to think if the circumstance we are going through could be something we can get over with a different attitude taken in life.

Often we are told that we should not blame our environment for how we feel as some believe what we feel is the very byproduct of how we see/take things in life. While this could be true to many cases, we should also note that it is no antidote to every single circumstance we go through in life.

Solely believing in the theory that a change in your attitude is what’s needed here, you become more persistent, against your will and all those gut instincts.

“I know I can hang in there for a little more…”

You start panting, eventually getting out of breath, too.

You keep going until you finally realize,

“Wait, am I suffering from hyperpnea syndrome?”

If your gut still tells you "something is wrong" at this point, that is probably a sign that you might as well quit the thing that makes you sick that much. Whether it’s a toxic relationship or a mean coworker/boss at work, you shouldn’t let them tie you down anymore against your will.

By the time you’d probably think, 

“What’s the point on blooming in a desired color by others when I am getting out of breath?”

“I might die if I keep being exposed to the fertilizers that upset my organs…”

Unfortunately, you’d most likely suffer from mental health problems followed by physical symptoms if we pass by this phase leaving our inner voices behind.

It is therefore extremely important to listen to our gut and start watering ourselves before it’s too late.

Unlike plants, humans tend to hide every possible sign that makes them look unwell not to bother other people. Consequently, people around you have no idea about it seeing you behaving “completely fine”. This explains why it is usually the most unexpected people, those who seemed “completely fine”, are the ones who get down by a serious illness.

What’s worse is that the very person who’s suffering from a series of stress could also be ignorant about one's pain until he/she gets worn out.

The point I’m trying to make here is that we should never leave it till it’s too late when the gut tries to warn us "something is wrong".

Because the more we wait till listening to it, the longer it takes for us to recover from the pain.

Just like plants can recover from its damage when we notice it sooner and start watering them, humans can also heal from the pain and start walking again if we carefully listen to our inner voices and start watering ourselves.

When you are the very first person who can be aware of the message from your gut, why wait until it’s too late and become unrecoverable?

So let’s become more sensitive to our inner voice.

Because we can start from this very moment to be kinder to ourselves.

Peace!